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Base Head
Added on 17-June-2010
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I am writing this for all those addicted to speed, who have realised or still protected by the comfort of denial. I was once a well liked, confident person (on the outside at least), had many friends, a few besties & the good time friends. Even though I had life issues I always got by like everyone else, kept smiling. Then the breakdown… after breaking up with my best friend of 3 yrs on hols, emotional abuse from my narcissistic mum whole life, abandoned by my father & anxiety I couldn't cope anymore.

I couldn't enjoy stuff, I'd get in from work & just sit there 4 hrs at a time not realising - my own world, unable to watch TV or anything I did before. I'd always smoked weed but got to my mid 20's managing to avoid trying new things like other friends-addictive person & just one of something is not an option for me! I'm a hypocrite coz I said weed isn't a gateway drug. So a 'friend' got me at the wrong moment one day & offered me a bomb, I accepted it after much persuasion/going on how great it was! I pocketed it & took it to throw away later to shut him up. It stayed in my drawer for wk, then one day I couldn't take feeling depressed anymore so took it. WOW... what a rush & from there it is all a bit of a blur tbh. At first it was just in my time 2 feel gr8, it then spiralled outta control.

I ended up doing a bomb in the morning b4 work, break, lunch & my tolerance meant gram 1/2 each day for a wk or so was no prob. Went to a&e once with chest pain & constantly hot/dry skin - I think thats hyperthermia. Everyone had to look on as I became a paranoid, manic, OCD cleaner.

I still have my close friends, but I nearly lost them & my job. Basically in a nut shell, One day my denial faded for some reason & I was forced 2 face it all & effects on friends/ co-workers etc, coz they're affected too. I'd got to the point of 7 day blackout binges & developed Raynauds, chest pain & mental issues. Driving while high, creating rows at work, cleaning binges- uncontrollable. That nite I realised, a m8 watched as I threw it away, knowing I had one more day of work & would never crash until the weekend! But that nite I gained control again.

Just want to say 2 the fellow baseheads - it's not too late to let that denial slip. I Recommend acupuncture & drug counselling. Also cognitive behavioural therapy. Speed is an evil drug & after that first rush its all down hill from there - just chasing that bus u never reach. The hard part is admitting u don't have control & need help, but trust me, once you're done feeling the shame, fear or withdrawal you'll sort your life & not need it to get through. When I think of it now, I just remember what a loner, para, unhappy person I was. Ironic thing is any problems I used to have don't even compare to now! I Still have so far to go, but best late than never. It will get harder for you to withdraw/recover each time you binge & crash. Something is blatantly missing in my head now, so if your new to it, QUIT RIGHT NOW.

Best of luck 2 those who read this!

Lumid

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